Another Heartbreak.....

It happened again!

Miscarriage number two.

Two in the space of 5 months!

Same time as last time, right before I hit 7 weeks!

Everything this time round seemed so positive....

I was nauseous,

I had extremely tender breasts,

I had the metallic taste in my mouth and I was craving foods that I don't normally crave.

We didn't tell many people as we were scared it would happen again.

But because of all the symptoms I was having it was hard not to tell a few people.

I was excited.

It seemed so right this time.

Just like all the other pregnancies.

I booked a scan for when I was 8 weeks as I just wanted to make sure it was ok and I knew I wouldn't be able to wait till 10 weeks.

But the weekend before I turned 7 weeks I had a bleed.

It was like someone turned a tap on and then turned it right off again.

It seemed to heavy to be spotting but not enough to be a proper miscarriage.

I was confused and not sure what to do.

I phoned up the Early Pregnancy Unit on the Monday and booked a scan for the Tuesday.

I couldn't just wait and see I needed to know what was going on.

The scan showed the pregnancy sack and little tiny embryo but it didn't show a heartbeat and it did show a lot of blood.

They rebooked me in for the following week and told me to be prepared to have a visit to the a&e department once I started to bleed.

So I went away feeling pretty scared and completely torn up inside.

I spent the whole week waiting....

Nothing happened.

I kept being sick, I was constantly tired.

I did nothing but sit on the sofa staring into space.

The waiting was killing me.

By the end of the week I was starting to think They must be wrong and by the next scan the blood will be gone and there will be a heartbeat...

The following Tuesday came and I went back to the little room to hear my fate.

It was a new sister and when she read my notes I could tell by the look on her face it wasn't going to be the news I wanted it to be.

I went in for the scan and the only thing that had changed was the amount of blood surrounding the pregnancy sack.

I was given three choices...

To keep waiting and let it happen naturally,

Take some pills to make it happen and have a hospital stay whilst I bled or have the pregnancy tissue surgically removed.

The sister let me have the evening to decide and then I had to go back on the Wednesday to let them know which I was going to choose.

I knew I wouldn't be able to wait.

The easiest option was to have the op but I'd never been put to sleep before and the thought of it really worried me.

I decided the op seemed like my best option and on the Wednesday I was booked into have it the following day.

Thursday was blur really....

It happened,

I haven't cried yet

I'm trying to pretend it never really happened.

I'm keeping busy but I know it will hit me sooner or later1

My baby making days are over.

I can't do this again!